I hope to dance... someday...

• It builds character..
  

Hahaha, i'm still reminded of this catchphrase..
I'm an avid fan of Calvin and Hobbes - it was one of the first books that made me fell in love with comics...
Reading the exploits of Calvin and the things that his 'Dad' attempts to build character in Calvin..
I always wondered what character meant..
Was it important?
I didn't really place much thought into it..
But after 26 years*uhuk*fairly young*uhuk* , i've got some insight to what's the importance of character..

That's why i know.. My character will pull me through all this..
In my opinion .. i've pulled through and i've survived..
Alhamdulilah , with the grace of The Most Merciful and Most Benovalent.

Hmmm.. i've lost my train of thought.....
Probably , in a way what i'm trying to say is that..
I've been disappointed numerous times in my life..
But i've never really let that pull me down..
I refuse to let disappointment drag me down and put a damper on my life..
For all the disappointments i've been through , i've never been disappointed with HIM..
HE takes care of me.. without fail.. even when i do my stupid level best to disappoint HIM..
That's why my faith is as strong as ever..
HE does what is best for me..

Honestly , i've done my fair share wrongs in life..
I'm not really the model person..
I know this.. and this is still and ongoing reparative/remedial process..
But that is between me and HIM..

Haha when i was a child.. i only ever had 4 ambitions/aspirations..
You may think that i'm lying.. but this is truth.. it's up to you to believe me or not..
1) To be a soldier... hmmmmmmm
2) To become a semi-professional footballer - at the time it was a semi-pro league.. to a degree i'm still living this dream.. haha just that i'm not earning any money for it
3) My God , this is corny, but the third one was to fall in love with someone who would love me back.. and to have a loving family..
*Pukes for a few minutes*
4) To be close to God..

That's why i always tell people, i'm a very simple person , who doesn't really want much from life..

Nowadays.. i feel that my distance between God is so far at times..
The heart gets tainted easily..
I'm trying as hard as possible to cleanse it and work towards my aspirations..
Insya-Allah..



Life is a neverending journey , where we build character all the time apparently..

حَسۡبُنَا ٱللَّهُ وَنِعۡمَ ٱلۡوَڪِيلُ

Allah is Sufficient for us ! Most Excellent is He in Whom we trust..

• what is in a name

i've not really understood, what do people really see in a name, sure sometimes names can be very weird.. very funny..
but it never reflects who you are as a person..
So i don't really place any value in the name of a person..
I'm more interested.. in the person who is named so and so..
What's the personality of that person..

You can have the most beautiful name in the world.. with all the titles that you can ever attain in life..
If you're a jerk , you're still a jerk..
nothing changes that.. period

Those that really know me.. know that i loathe being ever called 'anak Datuk'
In fact all my siblings have the same feeling..
I hate being known as 'anak Datuk'
It doesn't mean that when you're one , you're automatically a jerk, you're wired with feelings of self entitlement..
Au contraire.. i don't really feel anything much..

You know , growing up in the shadows of my father is challenging..
An ex FMC student, Secretary General for UPM during his time , an avid and succesful sportsman , he played rugby , football , badminton etc2
He did his MBA somewhere in the 90's ... and he got best student.. WORLDWIDE..
talk about pressure..

Linky here..

I hate the name dropping culture
You know.. i once 'tegured' my father regarding his Datuk title..
I'm crazy that way.. hahaha
I said to him , in a way titles didn't mean anything much by God, the gelaran 'Tuan Haji' was much more important..
I was in form 4 or form 5 then..
aaahhh , the naivety of youth..
But after thinking of it.. no other country in the Muslim world calls the people who have done the pilgrimage - 'Haji/Hajjah'
Heck , if you go to Madinah or Makkah - they call everyone Haji/Hajjah..
Anyhow i'm still proud of my father..
He worked hard for that title , the funny part is that he got the first Datukship from the Sulu Sultanate for his work in advancing the agriculture sector there..
Then only he got it from Perak.. and Melaka who finally recognized him..

I loved being in Putrajaya Hospital..
I blended into the environment..
All people knew is that my father is a former governmant servant whose last job was in the private sector..
There were a lot of other bigger fish to distract them

I want to be known for who i am..
Not for .. i am the son to so and so..
I want to earn respect in my life..
I want people to treat me as they treat everyone else..
I don't want to be a fake..

This doesn't just applies to titles..
It applies to all..
Names don't decide who you are and how close you are by the side of God..
You decide who you are.. and act accordingly..
I hope somehow.. i've given the name Mohd Iqbal Harris justice..

• on the edge of open revolt

A week back , i was on the verge of open revolt.. for some reasons which i don't really have any intent or will to divulge for now..

I just got my letter to go to Pahang..
I initially didn't really mind appealing to go somewhere south..
but for a few reasons.. i didn't really fancy that..
In a way, what i did was just putting my foot down
Hahaha i didn't really mind going anywhere..
Except for Sabah..

After not getting Seremban , i think i only ever considered Temerloh or HSI , JB
And even then , that was because of me having good friends at those two places..
That's why i was not really interested in going to Malacca in the first place, however convenient it may be

Life should never be controlled..
We become pitiful when we ever try to control it .. as most of the time we will fail spectacularly..
Sure i believe in preparing for the worst..
Working for what you want in life..
Trying as best as possible..
To get what you aim for

Never forget that there is always a wildcard factor..
Which is .. Fate.. as predetermined by Allah..
Man proposes , God Disposes..
For all the control that we try to exercise in life..
I always believe that some things we should just leave to chance..
We just have to throw caution into the wind..
In a way , Labuan was one of it for me.. it was left to chance..
Nothing was guaranteed..
But i've never regretted that.. it was just fate

• the ungrateful , stubborn and headstrong one

• speak softly..

Hmmmm some of my friends probably overestimate my degree of vindictiveness at times..
But i pride myself with the fact that, every time when i go to sleep at night..
I forgive every one who has ever wronged me or did an injustice to me..
As i'm afraid that i won't be waking up the morning after to do so..
Never sleep in anger..
Never sleep without letting go..
I always hope people do the same for me..
Forgive me every time.. every night..
There's no use in holding a grudge..
I know that.

But please never underestimate how cold hearted i can be ,
i've gone through a lot of things..
Things that have toughen me up..
People only ever get one chance with me, if you've ever done wrong by me..
You're marked out.. and so far , only one person has ever managed to do so..

The good thing is , i feel that i am a very good 'comparmentalizer'
I comparmentalize my life, i do not like to put everything in one basket@bet..
I did that once when i was in primary school.. i came out very disappointed with one of my good friends.. i've not spoken to him ever since..
So now, i'm very good at dividing and comparmentalizing my life..
No one person knows anything much about me..
i share a little bit here and there..
but never everything..
Even with that labuan person, i never really did share anything of note..
it's probably a trust issue..

Don't get me wrong.. this is not me being bitter..
I'm just being very honest with myself..

This may sound very very very very very very very very very very very very very corny coming from me..
I would have never imagined saying this... ever
Sure i was disappointed by love..
But i don't think i've lost hope..
Probably my hope is as strong as ever...
I've always grown up thinking , that one day i'll find someone right for me..
Someone who'll just make my day with her smile..
God Willing Insya-Allah

Haha i have very weird standards
The problem is when it's complicated also by other people's requirement and standards..
Even finding someone who i'm enamoured with is hard..
And when i find that person..
Everything is just a bit darn complicated by other things..

The problem with me , is that i am such a blardy headstrong and stubborn person..
I always believe that what i do , who i choose, how i choose..
Is always right..
Is the correct choice..
Some may attest to this fact.. some have come into first hand experience of how i can be..
How stubborn i am..
Haha the best example would be in Putrajaya ..
For the past 2 years , there were some discrete attempts by friends to 'encourage' me towards Faya..
Well , it was not so discrete.. Abbas was very vocal about it..
He once said to me that he feels i'm not appreciated..
What wise words, in hindsight le katakan..
Even Labuan suggested it.. which in truth was quite insulting..
To tell the truth , i've never considered or been ever moved to try and do something..
We're very close , like brother and sister.. and that's all there is to it..
We work very well together.. but that does not mean i have to marry her..
It was very platonic.. I knew that from the start..
That's why i always think that i'm right..
Hahahaha.. i'm the person who knows it all..

Let me just be frank and straightforward..
My main worry and peeve is that i'll be stuck with someone dull and stupid..
Looks count for nothing after 10 or more so years..
Being stuck with someone who won't try
Someone who won't reciprocate
This is my greatest fear..
Relationships where people do not try - will never work..

This issue now is just..
that i've fallen for someone,
I don't see the need to tell someone if i've fallen for them..
The last time i did so.. , was not that succesful..
To be honest.. i don't see it being reciprocated.. hence my 'reluctance'

Haha paling tak tahan cadangan faya..
She gave me a deadline of one week to go up to that person and say..
"Saya suka kat so and so... saya tanak bazir masa.. buleh masuk meminang je terus tak?"
hahahahahhahaha

Chances are 100 000 000 : 1
It is so damn unlikely anything will happen..
The chances are very miniscule and minute..
Probably nearing 0 - kebarangkalian mencecah 0
I'm not doing anything..
I'm just winging it..
I have my misgivings about it..
I'm feeling a bit unworthy..
Feeling a bit far from God..
But i probably need to get it out my system..
I leave it to Allah on how to deal with this.. HE knows best..



For now.. i'm just content waiting by the sidelines..
Admiring the person..
As that is already joy enough for me..
Lalalalala...
I know..
I'm a lost cause..
hahahaha...



Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by God's decree.
If something is meant to go elsewhere , it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny , from you it cannot flee
Umar Al-Khattab

• Waiting for my huckleberry friend

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.



In the end, the question is not whether i've moved on..
In truth , i've moved on..
It's just that i'm now leaving things to chance..

Maybe it's just my way of doing things..
but hey , it's my way or the highway..

I'm just waiting for my huckleberry friend....

Looking back , i have this to regret, that too often when i loved, I did not say so
- David Grayson

I hope to dance... someday... probably..
hahahahah

Lalalalalalala....

haha slightly happy... after venting out..
well.. i would just like to give a shoutout..
to anyone out there..
thank you for listening..
much appreciated..
biar pecah di perut sampai peritonitis..
jgn pecah kat mulut...
Muahahaha..

Here i come Pahang!!
Here i come life!!




Good Charlotte - Hold On
Uploaded by mmis95. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

There's so much more to life than just this..

p/s- Pahang, tolonglah jangan banjir..
p/s to p/s- takleh berenti dengar bruno mars.. hampeh..

Losing and regaining faith...

After a period of cooling down..
I've decided not to post the previous entry i wrote..
I don't really think anything written with an unsound mind should see the light of day..
Even though that has happened numerous times previously hahaha..
I've regained my composure..
However i'm still having no mood to post anything of note for now..
Waiting for my sanity to show up..
Now i'm just going to post filler music..
with no apparent meaning mind you..
so enjoy..

Lagu K.Dell


Out of the blue i'm listening to spider.. lama dah tk dengar nih..

Undefined...

Feeling slightly crappy... ending the week not in the ideal manner ...
Feeling slightly off due to a multitude of reasons..
Feeling slightly good due to multitude of reasons too..
Exhausted...
Obfuscated..
Slightly bored...

blardy random songs...





the wrong lyrics subtitle at times.. but still a good song..

....

My continuing love affair... football, selangor, and liverpool

My love with football started at a very young age..
I started playing football when i was about 7 years old..
I always played with my brother and father..
They would always use me as shooting practice
Probably that's why i'm quite good in shot stopping and one-on-ones..
The problem would lie with stamina.. haha

Well in truth i never really started off supporting liverpool...
In the era of pre-Astro football telecast..
I would listen and at times watch -Dunhill live footbal telecast..
Hailing from Selangor - naturally i gravitated towards my local team..
Selangor FA

I started watching them in '92
The first football game i watched was in Shah Alam Stadium
It was during the official launch of the stadium
And it was Flamenco vs Selangor..
Can't seem to remember who won.. but i know i was seated across the grandstand..

It was a pity i never had the chance to watch SuperMokh play..


I remember my favourite Selangor player then was Azman Adnan..

He along with Shahril Arsat , Azlisham Ibrahim , Rusdi Suparman , David Mitchell,
Mehmet Durakovic, Josep Biskic , K. Sanbagamaran , M. Chandran, Anuar Abu Bakar, Shahrin Majid, Zainal Abidin Hassan , Dollah Salleh etc...

I also admired a lot of other players then..
Matlan Marjan
Allistair Edwards
Scott Ollerenshaw - i was there when Selangor Selection scored against Manchester United in Shah ALam stadium - i remember it vividly , i was behind the goal then..
Abbas Saad
Yap Wai Loon
Khairul Azman
B. Rajnikanth
Affendi Julaihi


I can say i can recognize and name at least 6 in the above picture...

But i lost faith in local football in '97 when the match fixing scandal broke out..
Matlan Marjan was implicated
Abbas Saad was also charged..
A lot of other people were also caught ,charged and dibuang daerah..

I stopped watching from that moment onwards..
Added by the fact that Selangor bought Bambang Pamungkas( Pemangkis@ Paku Pakis) and the ones who were watching Selangor play were Indonesians only..
I turned to Liverpool



I can't really put a finger on why i started supporting Liverpool...
In truth.. my father wanted to start me off with Manchester United..
There were a lot of manchester jerseys and stuff..
My brother was the die hard Liverpool fan then..
I dabbled with Newcastle United also at the same time when Blackburn won the league title in 1995.. but in the end i just stuck to Liverpool..
Maybe i just gravitated naturally to it..

There has been a lot of good players who have played for liverpool.
But few have truly achieved greatness..
And some i have had the privilege to watch..


I managed to catch him at the tail end of his career..
The greatest player/coach of liverpool
The greatest number 7...
The last person to win the league title with liverpool in 1990
The current liverpool manager..
Come on Kenny.. win it for us..

I also had the chance to catch when Jamie Carragher was starting out in his career..
At first he was a bit shaky.. always prone to conceding own goals..
Still actually quite prone to conceding own goals..
But he's hard into the tackle..
Gives it his all.. and he'll kill you if you're not doing your best..
Mr Liverpool through and through..


He'll also probably shout you to deaf... (not sure if that's grammatically correct.. but who gives a damn rite?)One of his greatest quotes ever ..
Asked by a reporter , whether he would consider moving to a bigger club if the chance came in..
He replied without batting an eyelid..
"Who's bigger than Liverpool?"

Robbie Fowler..


The Toxteth Terrier - Robbie Fowler...
-


The cocaine snorting celebration..
He was a joy to watch..
Had one of the sweetest left foot ever..
Maybe he had less professionalism than Michael Owen..
But he made that up with a lot of heart...
That's why he will always be remembered as a great player...
And that's why Michael Owen will just be a footnote..
The difference between a good player and a great player

Steven Gerrard

The greatest player that i've had the chance to watch ...
He almost just became a good player when he was tempted by the devil incarnate ( Jose Mourinho)
But then , he choose family and made the right choice and sealed his name in the echelons of Liverpool's history..
He still has a role to play in that history..
The only person who i've had the chance to play live... and he was tremendous in that game..
It was England Vs Ukraine in 2009.. it was in Wembley..
Still remember shouting.. "Steven Gerrard.. pandang sini"

Istanbul
Wembley
West Ham
Olympiakos..
So long he's dragged liverpool out of problem..
Come out mate.. one more go..






Liverpool was just not built onto the base of success..
It was also rocked and consolidated by tragedy..
The Heysel and Hillsborough stadium disaster..
These things brought liverpool closer together..
It's more of like a family.. The family vibe was lost for awhile when Gillett and Hicks owned the club but now it seems to be in better hands.. *fingers crossed**
Sigh.. i always wonder.. when will i be rich enough to buy Liverpool..

Liverpool fans are a rare breed
Real liverpool fans at that..
A friend mentions to me that..
Liverpool fans are weird.. They're so damn loyal to their team..
In the darkest of times.. They'll stand up and sing You'll Never Walk Alone..
They never turn on their team..
They turn on team when they're not trying..
It's not hard to please the Anfield faithful...
Xabi Alonso also said the same thing previously..

Supporting liverpool is much like falling in love..
I may go as far as saying.. this is the greatest love i've had so far in my life..
no kidding..
It causes pain..
It causes heartache..
It causes moment of butterflies..
Most of the time it disappoints
Sometimes it delivers..
It invokes moment of incomparable joy..
You always hope for them to do their best..
To make you happy..
Not everything it does will make you happy..
But you wait for it's moments..
And when the moments come..
You'll be grinning from ear to ear..
On cloud nine.. Or is that Cloud 7..

We've had our ups and downs..
They were downs than ups within the past 18 years..
I remember winning
2 FA cups..
1 Carling cup
1 UEFA cup
1 Champions league cup..
I also remember the Roy Evans era.. where Bjorn Tore Kvarme, Jean Michel Ferri, Neil Ruddock , Phil Babb , Jason Mcateer played - for the benefit of the ignorant ones- those were crap players..
I've also had the chance to watch Robbie Fowler, Michael Owen , Steven Gerrard, Ian Rush, Dietmar Hamann, Fernando Torres, Xabi Alonso , Rob Jones, Markus Babbel and Stan Collymore, Patrik Berger, Steve Mcmanaman, Vegard Heggem , Sami Hyppia , Stephane Henchoz..
I am truly blessed..

The betrayals..
Steve Mcmanaman
Michael Owen
and now Fernando Torres

but in the end.. the overriding interest should be of the club's interest..
If any person is not on the same page.. they should bugger off then..
No one is bigger than the club..
Especially a club this big..

"The socialism I believe in is not really politics . It is a way of living . It is humanity. I believe the only way to live and to be truly successful is by collective effort, with everyone working for each other , everyone helping each other , and everyone having a share of the rewards at the end of the day. That might be asking a lot , but it's the way I see football and the way I see life"
-Bill Shankly-

Along the way .. a lot of people have jumped on the bandwagon..
New people trying to discover a team for themselves..
Closet liverpool fans..
Glory hunters..
Especially after 2005.. we had a lot of new 'fans'
Let me tell you something..
From someone who's been here from circa 1993..
Ye Of Little Faith..
The faint of heart..
Should leave now..
It's not going to be easy sailing..
It's not going to be a bed of roses..
It's going to be a long hard slog..

But know one thing..
As long as you are Red of heart..
You'll Never Walk Alone
Insya-Allah..



Can i get married to football and Liverpool FC??
Hmmmm to think of it.. i'm probably already married to LFC..
So another 3 slots to fill..
On to number 2 then.. hahaha probably need to ask the 1st for approval and application forms..
Needs to get along with number 1 then..
My God, i'm mad..



A quote from Francoise Sagan :
I have loved to the point of madness; that which is called madness , that which to me , is the only sensible way to love

Of happy birthdays and love affairs.. and the edge of emotions..

been craving for ice cream for the past 2 months...

Met the 2 backstabbers there...




My ride for the 30th of January.. a Boeing 737.. haven't been on this for quite a while..
Well it was supposed to be on the 28th of January.. however due to unforeseen circumstances i've been unable to blog much.. due to fact that i was travelling over the weekend and i subsequently fell ill after arriving back from JB ... doing much better now..

I always do this a cheapo present.. no money needed at all.. hahahaha kalau sms kena bayar jugak..


Happy birthday to Cherap -- my roomate from Kolej Mara Banting.. my good friend..
The 'Speaker' , the guy with the weirdest of advises.. Congratulations on turning 27 mate.. cepat2 sikit kawen..



Happy birthday to Kak Dell HITLER... need to emphasize on the Hitlerness seperti biasa nih..
The one yg senantiasa memberi nasihat yg penuh Hitler dgn muke tak berperasaan..
kejam tapi bernas? hahaha biar pecah di perut sampai peritonitis.. jgn pecah di mulut..
Congratulations on turning errr '21'?

Happy birthday again to Cherap and Kak Dell.. 2 very great friends..