So this is my 300th post...
Will take awhile to put everything up.. a bit busy with cleaning and clearing things up
so stay tuned...
Well..
21st of November came and went .. without much fuss.. Maybe it was earlier than that but.. officially that was the date that the fiasco ended finally..
To say that i would like to turn back time and do things another way.. would probably be a lie..
Hindsight is always a good thing.. but i would probably be different person if these things did not happen..
Who am i to say what will happen in life.. i did not have a clue then.. and i don't have a clue now..
Even though unbelievable.. i am still going on a day to day basis.. I tried planning ahead last time around.. that didn't really work out for me..
Well , i'm not sure whether i've mentioned this in my past posts@moans..
But it wasn't really that hard to walk away.. sure the month of november 2010 i was breaking my head trying to reason everything out .. to come to a decision of what to do.. Agonizing over the direction i would take..
in the end , the decision was easy probably..
I probably told some of my close friends what actually happened.. but not the full version of it kot..
Buat istikharah.. quite a few times.. and actually had a long chat about 2-3 times if i'm not mistaken with Netball..
Well on the 21st .. buat lagi satu round.. a very long one after zohor and asar.. then tertidur..
that night i was due to actually call someone... and masa asar tuh mimpi la..
One of the more weirder dreams i've ever had kot.. well i was by the seaside.. with a very close friend.. and there was someone drowning out in the sea.. and i swam to save ( technically in real life i don't swim - so as not to give false expectations that i would actually save someone drowning kan) - well the close friend gave me a thumbs up.. and probably weirdly i took that as a signal that this was the end of the road for me and Netball..
Not sure who i saved, but i'm quite sure who was on the seaside with me..
And no.. not divulging who though.. some secrets i bring to the grave..
In the aftermath of that.. i probably went into rebound..
There were 2 of them.. one more than the other..
It was a bit severe.. the rebound..
But i think i probably found myself in familiar territory..
In the sense that this was Deja' Vu.. I felt that this situation seemed familiar..
Probably , i didn't want to go through another 8 years of what i just came out of..
Something not reciprocal.. probably just a bit too tired for that..
To say that i wasn't tempted and tried would be a lie kot.. some knew of what i actually did..
with varying degrees of support.. haha but probably it wasn't to be..
With a heavy heart i tried to move on.. to a degree of success insya-Allah..
This is a song for my crushes and rebound..
I wish them all the best.. and hope that they'll find someone nice..
Being bitter
-some may actually think that i'm a bit bitter in the aftermath of all this.. which is very far from the truth.. sure it sucked.. the way that it was conducted.. with all the stories that 'people actually sat down with me and had a talk' circulating among mutual friends..
It also didn't help the fact that an obfuscated individual actually walked up to mutual friends and try to justify what they did..
Choice phrases from the conversations would be..
'masuk line awal'
'kampung pengantin'
This in truth actually peeved me initially.. I felt it was a bit juvenile added with the fact that i've done nothing at all..
I just kept quiet and went on my way..
Even if i did say a thing it was to close friends or to actually deny things that were untrue..
I believe in maintaning form and observing politeness..
Courtesy is important for me..
I do not slander.. I do not speak of untruths..
It is just not me..
I'm not bitter.. i probably WAS just a bit peeved then..
Nowadays.. i just don't bother with it anymore..
I just hope to be civil and polite..
I'm not bitter..
I probably told this to Kak Dell.. i feel something .. but i can't really describe it properly..
but anyhow i wish the best and it is my hope that i do not come across anymore untrue or juvenile stories..
We should actually act our age and be able to tell what is wrong and what is right..
Everyone is old enough to actually think for themselves ..
Live long and prosper.. whatever..
By my book.. Alhamdulilah i've not wronged anyone..
On another note , some may say i've actually stopped talking to them in the aftermath of all this.. I probably can't deny this .. as i feel that i need to cut my exposure to hypocrites..
This may be a strong word.. but those involved should just actually look themselves in the mirror..
I do not need to be patronized.. or even pitied.. no thanks..
To put it succintly and politely..
You can just get lost for all i care..
This is not hate talking.. this is just apathy..
I am grateful for good friends that i have..
Who called it as it is..
Faya.. Abbas.. K.Naiemah.. Lydia.. Didi.. Kak Dell.. Kak Dija.. Kak Meha.. Din.. Cherap..
Most of them were brutally honest with me..
Thank you for that..
I was the one who did not heed their advise..
Napoleon Bonaparte once said -A true man hates no one.
I don't really
I'm very much a glass half-full kind of guy..I am glad i'm still that way even after what has happened.. the trials and tribulations of life shouldn't bring us down.. it is only supposed to make us stronger..
Sure experience can be too harsh a teacher.. but there's no good will come from just sitting around and complaining..
Now i just want to advance...
Advance, and never halt, for advancing is perfection. Advance and do not fear the thorns in the path, for they draw only corrupt blood.
Khalil Gibran
Life is easier to take than you think; all that is necessary is to accept the impossible, do without the indispensable and bear the intolerable.
- Kathleen Norris-
- to be continued -
