My wish..

Firstly , i would like to wish a happy birthday to kak meha..
even tho a bit late..
Happy birthday kak Meha..
as i know she's shy.. so no pictures then.. haha

on another note..
Hospital Temerloh is growing onto me..
Just need to find a few friends..
I'm a bit bored... huhu
missing a few people..
yep pathetic i know..
not in the right frame of mind..
thankfully orthopaedic has provided a nice distraction..

anyway..

i would just like to post this song..



I would like to dedicate this song to ..
first .. kdija..
stay strong.. keep your chin up..
we'll be here for you if you need us

secondly..
to ainon..
i've decided to let go of all the bitterness pent up..
i hope you forgive me for all the wrongs that i've done and for all the grief..
i'm just human and i am fallible..
i hope we never cross paths again.. in this world or the next..
have a good life..
i hope you find what you're looking for..

3rd..
hmmm to minah tepi laut(which is an oxymoron)
trying to rein in the crush..
i have a feeling someone knows.. haha not to worry..
i'll probably just stand here quietly in the corner.. and just stay mum...
haha i'm just stumped.. so no more comment



People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

I'm not moving...

We get what we deserve in life..
For now i persevere...

- The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?-
-Kahlil Gibran-

I hope to dance... someday...

• It builds character..
  

Hahaha, i'm still reminded of this catchphrase..
I'm an avid fan of Calvin and Hobbes - it was one of the first books that made me fell in love with comics...
Reading the exploits of Calvin and the things that his 'Dad' attempts to build character in Calvin..
I always wondered what character meant..
Was it important?
I didn't really place much thought into it..
But after 26 years*uhuk*fairly young*uhuk* , i've got some insight to what's the importance of character..

That's why i know.. My character will pull me through all this..
In my opinion .. i've pulled through and i've survived..
Alhamdulilah , with the grace of The Most Merciful and Most Benovalent.

Hmmm.. i've lost my train of thought.....
Probably , in a way what i'm trying to say is that..
I've been disappointed numerous times in my life..
But i've never really let that pull me down..
I refuse to let disappointment drag me down and put a damper on my life..
For all the disappointments i've been through , i've never been disappointed with HIM..
HE takes care of me.. without fail.. even when i do my stupid level best to disappoint HIM..
That's why my faith is as strong as ever..
HE does what is best for me..

Honestly , i've done my fair share wrongs in life..
I'm not really the model person..
I know this.. and this is still and ongoing reparative/remedial process..
But that is between me and HIM..

Haha when i was a child.. i only ever had 4 ambitions/aspirations..
You may think that i'm lying.. but this is truth.. it's up to you to believe me or not..
1) To be a soldier... hmmmmmmm
2) To become a semi-professional footballer - at the time it was a semi-pro league.. to a degree i'm still living this dream.. haha just that i'm not earning any money for it
3) My God , this is corny, but the third one was to fall in love with someone who would love me back.. and to have a loving family..
*Pukes for a few minutes*
4) To be close to God..

That's why i always tell people, i'm a very simple person , who doesn't really want much from life..

Nowadays.. i feel that my distance between God is so far at times..
The heart gets tainted easily..
I'm trying as hard as possible to cleanse it and work towards my aspirations..
Insya-Allah..



Life is a neverending journey , where we build character all the time apparently..

حَسۡبُنَا ٱللَّهُ وَنِعۡمَ ٱلۡوَڪِيلُ

Allah is Sufficient for us ! Most Excellent is He in Whom we trust..

• what is in a name

i've not really understood, what do people really see in a name, sure sometimes names can be very weird.. very funny..
but it never reflects who you are as a person..
So i don't really place any value in the name of a person..
I'm more interested.. in the person who is named so and so..
What's the personality of that person..

You can have the most beautiful name in the world.. with all the titles that you can ever attain in life..
If you're a jerk , you're still a jerk..
nothing changes that.. period

Those that really know me.. know that i loathe being ever called 'anak Datuk'
In fact all my siblings have the same feeling..
I hate being known as 'anak Datuk'
It doesn't mean that when you're one , you're automatically a jerk, you're wired with feelings of self entitlement..
Au contraire.. i don't really feel anything much..

You know , growing up in the shadows of my father is challenging..
An ex FMC student, Secretary General for UPM during his time , an avid and succesful sportsman , he played rugby , football , badminton etc2
He did his MBA somewhere in the 90's ... and he got best student.. WORLDWIDE..
talk about pressure..

Linky here..

I hate the name dropping culture
You know.. i once 'tegured' my father regarding his Datuk title..
I'm crazy that way.. hahaha
I said to him , in a way titles didn't mean anything much by God, the gelaran 'Tuan Haji' was much more important..
I was in form 4 or form 5 then..
aaahhh , the naivety of youth..
But after thinking of it.. no other country in the Muslim world calls the people who have done the pilgrimage - 'Haji/Hajjah'
Heck , if you go to Madinah or Makkah - they call everyone Haji/Hajjah..
Anyhow i'm still proud of my father..
He worked hard for that title , the funny part is that he got the first Datukship from the Sulu Sultanate for his work in advancing the agriculture sector there..
Then only he got it from Perak.. and Melaka who finally recognized him..

I loved being in Putrajaya Hospital..
I blended into the environment..
All people knew is that my father is a former governmant servant whose last job was in the private sector..
There were a lot of other bigger fish to distract them

I want to be known for who i am..
Not for .. i am the son to so and so..
I want to earn respect in my life..
I want people to treat me as they treat everyone else..
I don't want to be a fake..

This doesn't just applies to titles..
It applies to all..
Names don't decide who you are and how close you are by the side of God..
You decide who you are.. and act accordingly..
I hope somehow.. i've given the name Mohd Iqbal Harris justice..

• on the edge of open revolt

A week back , i was on the verge of open revolt.. for some reasons which i don't really have any intent or will to divulge for now..

I just got my letter to go to Pahang..
I initially didn't really mind appealing to go somewhere south..
but for a few reasons.. i didn't really fancy that..
In a way, what i did was just putting my foot down
Hahaha i didn't really mind going anywhere..
Except for Sabah..

After not getting Seremban , i think i only ever considered Temerloh or HSI , JB
And even then , that was because of me having good friends at those two places..
That's why i was not really interested in going to Malacca in the first place, however convenient it may be

Life should never be controlled..
We become pitiful when we ever try to control it .. as most of the time we will fail spectacularly..
Sure i believe in preparing for the worst..
Working for what you want in life..
Trying as best as possible..
To get what you aim for

Never forget that there is always a wildcard factor..
Which is .. Fate.. as predetermined by Allah..
Man proposes , God Disposes..
For all the control that we try to exercise in life..
I always believe that some things we should just leave to chance..
We just have to throw caution into the wind..
In a way , Labuan was one of it for me.. it was left to chance..
Nothing was guaranteed..
But i've never regretted that.. it was just fate

• the ungrateful , stubborn and headstrong one

• speak softly..

Hmmmm some of my friends probably overestimate my degree of vindictiveness at times..
But i pride myself with the fact that, every time when i go to sleep at night..
I forgive every one who has ever wronged me or did an injustice to me..
As i'm afraid that i won't be waking up the morning after to do so..
Never sleep in anger..
Never sleep without letting go..
I always hope people do the same for me..
Forgive me every time.. every night..
There's no use in holding a grudge..
I know that.

But please never underestimate how cold hearted i can be ,
i've gone through a lot of things..
Things that have toughen me up..
People only ever get one chance with me, if you've ever done wrong by me..
You're marked out.. and so far , only one person has ever managed to do so..

The good thing is , i feel that i am a very good 'comparmentalizer'
I comparmentalize my life, i do not like to put everything in one basket@bet..
I did that once when i was in primary school.. i came out very disappointed with one of my good friends.. i've not spoken to him ever since..
So now, i'm very good at dividing and comparmentalizing my life..
No one person knows anything much about me..
i share a little bit here and there..
but never everything..
Even with that labuan person, i never really did share anything of note..
it's probably a trust issue..

Don't get me wrong.. this is not me being bitter..
I'm just being very honest with myself..

This may sound very very very very very very very very very very very very very corny coming from me..
I would have never imagined saying this... ever
Sure i was disappointed by love..
But i don't think i've lost hope..
Probably my hope is as strong as ever...
I've always grown up thinking , that one day i'll find someone right for me..
Someone who'll just make my day with her smile..
God Willing Insya-Allah

Haha i have very weird standards
The problem is when it's complicated also by other people's requirement and standards..
Even finding someone who i'm enamoured with is hard..
And when i find that person..
Everything is just a bit darn complicated by other things..

The problem with me , is that i am such a blardy headstrong and stubborn person..
I always believe that what i do , who i choose, how i choose..
Is always right..
Is the correct choice..
Some may attest to this fact.. some have come into first hand experience of how i can be..
How stubborn i am..
Haha the best example would be in Putrajaya ..
For the past 2 years , there were some discrete attempts by friends to 'encourage' me towards Faya..
Well , it was not so discrete.. Abbas was very vocal about it..
He once said to me that he feels i'm not appreciated..
What wise words, in hindsight le katakan..
Even Labuan suggested it.. which in truth was quite insulting..
To tell the truth , i've never considered or been ever moved to try and do something..
We're very close , like brother and sister.. and that's all there is to it..
We work very well together.. but that does not mean i have to marry her..
It was very platonic.. I knew that from the start..
That's why i always think that i'm right..
Hahahaha.. i'm the person who knows it all..

Let me just be frank and straightforward..
My main worry and peeve is that i'll be stuck with someone dull and stupid..
Looks count for nothing after 10 or more so years..
Being stuck with someone who won't try
Someone who won't reciprocate
This is my greatest fear..
Relationships where people do not try - will never work..

This issue now is just..
that i've fallen for someone,
I don't see the need to tell someone if i've fallen for them..
The last time i did so.. , was not that succesful..
To be honest.. i don't see it being reciprocated.. hence my 'reluctance'

Haha paling tak tahan cadangan faya..
She gave me a deadline of one week to go up to that person and say..
"Saya suka kat so and so... saya tanak bazir masa.. buleh masuk meminang je terus tak?"
hahahahahhahaha

Chances are 100 000 000 : 1
It is so damn unlikely anything will happen..
The chances are very miniscule and minute..
Probably nearing 0 - kebarangkalian mencecah 0
I'm not doing anything..
I'm just winging it..
I have my misgivings about it..
I'm feeling a bit unworthy..
Feeling a bit far from God..
But i probably need to get it out my system..
I leave it to Allah on how to deal with this.. HE knows best..



For now.. i'm just content waiting by the sidelines..
Admiring the person..
As that is already joy enough for me..
Lalalalala...
I know..
I'm a lost cause..
hahahaha...



Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by God's decree.
If something is meant to go elsewhere , it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny , from you it cannot flee
Umar Al-Khattab

• Waiting for my huckleberry friend

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.



In the end, the question is not whether i've moved on..
In truth , i've moved on..
It's just that i'm now leaving things to chance..

Maybe it's just my way of doing things..
but hey , it's my way or the highway..

I'm just waiting for my huckleberry friend....

Looking back , i have this to regret, that too often when i loved, I did not say so
- David Grayson

I hope to dance... someday... probably..
hahahahah

in memoriam.. MX7242

well.. MX7242 .. the silver ferrari ( i and my friends call any saga car a ferrari.. mind you)
this would be the first car that i drove after getting my driving licence..
my family got the car for my sister when she went to university.. and that was around 1991..
then when my brother went to uni, he inherited the car and finally it came full circle and i was entrusted with it hmm around the end of 2003 when i started semester 1 in IMU

a lot of memories..
happy ones...
driving up genting sempah towards janda baik.. that was my farthest trip using the Saga..
pegi Carrefour dgn K.dijadellpahmiha..

weird ones.. water always getting into the boot space.. the only accident i had was with the silver ferrari la.. and it was very early on after i got my licence.. and to think of all places to get an accident.. inside my own house.. i minimally banged into one of the walls in my house when i was bringing the car out.. at the time.. my depth perception sucked to the max...
menumpangkan Dr. Thani..
the door handles snapping off, mengikut giliran masing2.. there was one time where the driver side door handle snapped off.. so basically had to open the back door first to open the front door..
central locking was a problem..
windows.. hmm this has been a perennial problem with any proton car.. there was once i had to travel in the rain with the car window open..
also i made a record of managing to fit in 8 passengers into the car once..
all the small sized people from K.dejamehadellpah punya rumah..

bad ones..

especially driving around shah alam with PARASITES in the car.. DIDiLydiAnIna
and towards the end the car was quite fond in developing a few problems of its own..
i still remember the car breaking down in Sunway LDP toll.. and also another time when i came back from street soccer MAPCU in UM.. broke down due to the fact that the water pump was leaky and due to overheating. i think something melted.. the gasket maybe..
also at one point the front axle kept having problems..
the passenger side window smashed during Friday prayers in Seri Petaling as the mangkuks who did it saw a laptop bag on the passenger seat.. for sure they were disappointed when they found rahman punya sweaty clothes that he kept in the laptop beg.. with the laptop safely at home..

as the car kept on developing problems in the end.. and the fact that i needed to travel to and fro seremban when i entered seremban.. basically the car was given away to a family friend and i inherited the Satria WEW 5641 from my brother

regardless of all the problems..
i feel the handling of this car is better than any car that i've driven up to now..
the way it takes corners.. muahahah and also that it had a 1.5l auto engine.. sakit sikit la when refuelling..
it was the first car that i had.. and it is greatly missed ( corny gile) hahaha

the silver ferrari is well and safe in Perak now..
and also is having a mid-life crisis and an identity crisis..
haha



anyway proton has come up with the replacement model for the old proton saga...
wanna see a peek? click this then..
it's gonna be released on the 18th of January