A song for the person out there.. you don't know who you are.. haha

Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There
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A journey..

Well...
it's been a roller coaster 2 months probably..
a very whiny and needy 2 months aku rasa..
Up and down..
Very manic months i daresay..
one day i'll be down in the gutter.. now i'm filled with anger ..
i am positively sure i won't want to be in the gutter anytime soon..

I've been through a journey of sorts..
Putrajaya
Labuan
Kelantan
Batu Pahat
Parit Raja
Ayer Hitam
Johor Bharu
Kota Tinggi
Kluang
Seremban
Selayang
Shah Alam
Sepang
PCB , Kelantan lagi.. hmm 5 jam sahaja di kelantan.. haha
KIV Tepeng

i feel that i had to go out and see all the people who matter to me.. dapat jumpe semua except one..
maybe i just wanted to see the whole lot of them..
to reaffirm my place in life..
to see that it was okay for me to smile and laugh again..
that it was okay to get angry..
to get back up again..
for me to move on now and let go of all the stupid things that have held me back..

i would just like to say thank you to a few people...
the few people who matter as much as my family does to me..

Lydia - thank you for all the stupid songs that was pulled out..
being the still unemployed one and the person yg sentiasa tak tidur lagi.. sentiasa le kene melayan sumpah2 seranah.. menceceh.. my whiny phase.. my depressive phase.. my manic phase..for forcing me to wallow in self pity for awhile..
Didi -terima kasih kerana senantiasa sedia bergossip.. terima kasih sebab belanja weh.. ko kena ajar aku pose teleng weh.. sentiasa sedia mendengar.. kira lepas nih kena ajar aku berenang lak weh..
Kak Naiemah- thank you for calling me stupid at the get go.. i felt so happy then.. haha one of the first of a lot of wakeup calls.. dalam 2 bulan nih la..wakeupcall memang dah banyak pun sebelum nih.. thank you for listening.. for pointing out all the possibilities.. saya nak book for viking funeral nanti.. banyak la nak paint it black konon.. pink bulehla.
p/s sile bayar HYTFBT, handphone , wayang hari poter , hutang tepeng nih.. sile le tukar service provider hp lain..
Kak Dell Hitler- k. dell and k.naiemah - the ones who were brutally honest as usual..
k.dell- masih lagi hutang 500days of summer nih.. hmm thank you for dinner meh..
masih lagi brutally rational and honest .. you'll still be kak dell hitler.. hahaha
Cherap - when we usually talk we always take polar opposites point of view and duke it out..
thank you for being a good listener and counsel mate.. as usual.. my secret keeper, my adviser, my annoyance, my good friend
mate - biar pecah kat perut.. ko jgn pecah kat mulut..
p/s - mangkuk cepat la post gambar..
kak dija and kak meha - the two that i was reluctant to call first.. hmm bukan tanak call tapi suara sayu2 je nih.. hmm tanak ape yg jadi masa resit sem 3 berulang.. haha
kak dija - thank you for batu pahat.. rapunzel.. daytona.. motor.. kluang.. JB.. Kota tinggi.. Mee Bandung parit raja.. putu bambu makcik juriah ayer hitam..
thank you for listening.. haha mesti ada org terkejut mendengar perbincangan serius..
thank you for not understanding pembakaran terbuka maksud ape.. haha
kak meha- thank you for listening to me while in your expensive car.. haha siap baca doa akhir tahun dalam keta.. di hadapan masjid.. thank you for being kak meha..
Faya- thank you for saying something that i really wanted to say.. but couldn't not let out.. for stopping me from doing anything stupid..
Mior- thank you for not prying.. nanti aku gi london aku cerita kat ko..
Kanu , Nazrin,Najma- for trying to be awfully nice to me.. haha
Abbas- for the winning eleven nights and nasi arab and barbican beer.. well as you say.. kalo dah desperate sgt.. ada je ******* .. hahaha thank you to you and faya for trying to set up my next rebound..
Din Lob , Pentrox and Awong - for the games of pool in cyberjaya, basketball, futsal.. after this we go for paintball la mangkuk2 weh..
Ezran - time kasih la as you had to handle my parents... thank you for getting mad on my behalf.. aku harap ko tak buat ape benda yg ko nak buat masa tuh.. buat bodoh je yan.. macam aku..
Pakcik - for being pakcik.. never too nosy.. pura2 blur seperti biasa..
Rahman- lama tak cakap ngan die nih.. takyah nak bagitau die la kot.. nanti kena sumpah sebab whiny sangat.. haha

Thank you for dinner and all the meals..
Thank you for listening..
Thank you for indulging me..
Thank you for getting angry..
Thank you for winding me up..
Thank you for calming me down..
Thank you for putting up with all my weird dreams.. hahaha
Thank you for putting up with my manic episodes..
Thank you for listening to my point of view
Thank you for making time for me..
Thank you for pointing out my mistakes
Thank you for letting me make my mistakes
Thank you for trying to cheer me up
Thank you for putting up with my moments of anger and hostility..
Thank you for setting me straight..
Thank you for standing by me..
Thank you for standing up for me when i was just too tired..
Thank you for putting up with my foolishness for so long..
Thank you for being very good friends..
In truth, i pity you guys for having to put up with me.. seriously..

This has been a very taxing and tiring period of time in my life..
I feel it was not meant to be.. me and what her name was..
but i know why this happened..
so that i could meet this great group of people
Which in truth .. is one of the best things that i've ever had and will ever have..
This is one of the freest moments ever that i have had..
No longer is there a strain on my heart.. it feels light..
I no longer worry of what i should do..
it is just..
Full of clarity and anger.. for now

I say thanks... May God repay you guys(gentleman) and girls(ladies) in kind..
I am greatly indebted..
and i say.. Thank you Ya-Latif..
for i am truly blessed with a great bunch of friends that you surround me with..
Thank you for showing me the way...

For that i am grateful.. and i won't ask for anything more.. except for a rebound.. a permanent rebound..

p/s - i hope all this was FOC .. haha i'll stop being whiny and poyo now and move on..

cepat2.. carikan rebound..

the compulsory song...

Cake - I Will Survive
Uploaded by Dan_of_the_Land. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Facts and perception..

Fact
can refer to verified information about past or present circumstances or events which are presented as objective reality. In science, it means a provable concept

Perception
is the process of attaining awareness or understanding of sensory information. The word "perception" comes from the Latin words perceptio, percipio, and means "receiving, collecting, action of taking possession, apprehension with the mind or senses
What one perceives is a result of interplays between past experiences, including one’s culture, and the interpretation of the perceived.

Conceited

Holding or characterized by an unduly high opinion of oneself; vain.

I am a person who thinks too much at times..
Too much about abstract ideas ..
I am having a hard time linking everything that i want to say at this moment of time..
I hope i do justice to what i want to babble about tonight..

We can always control the facts that are given to a person..
in the way you present it .. in the way you spin it..
in the amount of facts you give.. facts that you withold
However we can never control how the facts are perceived..
Individual experiences shape how we perceive things

Perception is a thing which we can never control..
Most of us try to do so.. but we fail miserably when we even try
As perception is the sole property of the person who owns it..
I have never attempted ( rasanyala..) to influence a person's perception of things.. nor will i ever try to do so in the future
I do not try to turn people against other people
I will never do that
As that is just plain and simple - wrong

Let me tell you about my perception..
To me.. and i stress again To ME it was an outright betrayal
True and simple
We may argue otherwise.. but that's the beauty of perception..
There would also be an opposing perception most likely..
Looking back at the past few posts.. i feel slightly bewildered.. i saw myself up close and personal.. in denial... bargaining.. and depressed..
What is done is done..

Things are simple if i think of it this way..
Nothing will every happen between us barring a few miracles..
But even then.. pigs flying would be more likely
Honestly.. i don't think i'm stuck..
I am actually trying to move on already which is suprising.. i would have though the repercussions of it would be far reaching and long lasting- some even predicted 3 years to recover.. haha
I do not begrudge the fact that it had to end..
I understand that logic..
The only thing i begrudge was the way that it was conducted..
but hey.. who cares anymore..
No more apologies.. no more trying so hard..
i'm content.

Anyone who knows me closely - knows that the 2 things that i hate in a person are
Indecision
Hypocrisy

This has been so for the whole of my 26 years i've been here.. and not something recent
to a degree i may also be indecisive.. but who knows..

I hold a few things that are very dear to me..
- honour
- courtesy
- dignity
- respect
- understanding and comprehension
- humility
- chivalry
konon la few things.. padahal banyak..

I may be headstrong and single-minded
I may turn a deaf ear to reasonable advice
I am a very obstinate person
I may have been blind for quite a while
but i feel that i have a clear mind.. an inexperienced one.. but nonetheless a clear one..
I am the epitome of stubbornness
I have my deficiencies
I may be indecisive at times.. passive
I have a reasonable understanding of right and wrong which may differ with other people

but i do not regret my actions
I stand proud to my actions
I do not minimize the affect of my decision
I hold myself responsible to it.. myself alone and no one else

I am proud of who i am
To me it is important to live with honour and dignity
I admit the mistakes that i've made
I am guilty as charged

The only thing that i ever need is to be able to look myself in the mirror
and not feel ashamed of anything.. to be able to live with myself
I would like to believe that i live my life according to a code
To a set of values that i hold dear
I've not bothered to list them down.. but it is probably a short list not more than a page long
I try to never be vengeful.. to be hostile to people..
Things will even itself out eventually insya-Allah
In truth i don't even intend to be hostile anyone ..
I just find it funny and amazing..
That someone has managed to exhaust my good will..
This has never happened before..
Probably never will again..

I do not expect others to live up to the standard that i set
As these are my standards
People can live whichever way they want
As long as they are content..

Guess which state i am currently in?

I'm done
with Denial
with Bargaining
with Depression
with Acceptance..
now there is just anger..

lagi sekali.. lagu sama utk org sama.. memang sah takda kerja nih.. hahah

Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There
Uploaded by Nate_Perro. - Explore more music videos.

p/s :
A thing that i would like to say is..
Please do not be so conceited..

Ya Allah.. i don't even know why i'm still commenting on this episode/person.. sounds sad..

an old post from august 2006

To whom it may concern

To whom it may apply and be of relevance...
to those who have had the feeling of helplessness..
to those who feel like letting go..
to those who the world is suffocating ..
to those who feel like crap..
to those who feel shortchanged..
to those who feel tired of the journey..
to the lethargic ones..
to those who feel abandoned..

perservere...
fight..
struggle..
never lose faith..
defy the odds..
reenergize..
hang on..
hold on..
overcome the obstacles..
scr*w learned helplessness..
we are the writers of our destiny..
it is in our hands..
we chose our paths..
we work towards it..
insya-Allah..
and we will never be abandoned by HIM..

az-Zumar 53
.. janganlah berputus asa dengan rahmat Allah...

when we are down to nothing.. Allah is up to something..
Faith sees the invisible..
believes the incredible..
receives the impossible..

you will never walk alone....

Doom awaits, let's not keep him waiting then)

i've always adopted this mentality when i come up against certain things.. intimidating lecturers, big exams, life changing events all the stuff.. u get what i'm trying to say...
doom awaits us wherever and whenever we go.. why would we want to keep them waiting.. in this instance i am referring to DK... to me these things are sometimes more related to the mind.. it's the mind over matter stuff.. i say " if u don't mind, it doesn't matter then" .. i refuse to be overly intimidated by things in life.. to me you should go head on with things in life.. i distinctly remember that in KMB i was overly worried about the IMU interviews.. worrying that i'll screw up or something.. but then i aced the interview.. with no worries.. then it was the semester one exams.. then i heard about pharmacology.. then semester 3 along with the resit exams.. and then semester 5.. it doesn't necessarily just apply to academic stuff.. it can also apply to personal development.. for instance.. nak Menegur org ke.. hmm i've learned from the past.. that u should confront your demons.. never be afraid of something.. because if u look at things.. it shows that the end results is that.. i prevail in the end.. it didn't kill me , and maybe there was some good that came out from that matter.. maybe we evolved.. maybe we mutated into something more mature, maybe we've built character from that episode.. we've taken a step in life.. and life is all about taking steps.. would you be content in being stagnant? while seeing other people develop? having said that.. don't bite off more than you can chew..

yes.. i do get the eerie feeling in my gut sometimes.. the feeling that i'm not ready for life.. i'm not ready to be a doctor, i'm not ready to take this exam, i'm not ready to do this and that..
let me ask this? when will we be ready then? how do you know when you're ready? is there a meter somewhere in our head that'll beep anytime we're ready to face things in life? life is filled with unknown entities.. .. and with the guidance of Allah.. we'll ace the exams known as life insya-Allah
so screw doom and let's face him in the eye... and show them we're not afraid.. muahahah

Al-fatihah 6.. tunjukkanlah kami kepada jalan yg lurus..

.....

Nun KAU teguh di sana
Pengasih dan Penyayang

Pun ku masih terleka
Meneguk ihsanMu
Walau ku sedari..

Oh nyamannya ...
Bila diperlukan RinduMu

waiting for el classico...

hmmm i'm waiting for real madrid vs barcelona...
melepak kat rumah abbas sementara die single..
yesterday liverpool 1-2 tottenham.. unsuprising..
but please give me a break.. let something go right..
let the traffic light turn green
let it rain..
let me want to play football
let me a find a bag of money.. preferabbly in 100 ringgit denominations..
let liverpool win the league title..
let something happen before i become indifferent and apathetic ..
i need something to go right now..
let me choose the right road ..
i came to a fork in my life once.. picked one..that didn't turn out so well apparently..

haha itu le manusia punye lumrah..
tak bersyukur dgn ape yg ada..
nak jugak liverpool menang..
tamakkkkkk......

i'm waiting to get unstuck now..
is there a cheat button anywhere?
U know when u get stuck in a game somewhere.. you always just stop for a while
go on the internet.. google walkthroughs/tips - stopping short of a cheat code... konon2 honorable la... ( I KNOW EVERYONE DOES THAT... YES YOU READING THIS.. I KNOW YOU GOOGLED CHEAT CODES) hahahaha

wouldn't it be easier , if i could just google.. cheat code- getting unstuck..
hmm that would probably make life a game then and dilutes the purpose of life..

signing out..
captain indifferent..
who wants to move on to hati batu now..
mengantukknye.. rasa nak tidur balik aaa..